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« orange saves eggs from fruit fight | Main | the grand squeeze 2011 »

February 08, 2011

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What is ginger and hairy?
An orange-utan!

What is ginger and even more hairy than an orange-utan?
Hugh Jackman!

What music do oranges like to listen to?
Pulp music!

And as Boy George sang:
"Do you really want to squash me? Do you really want to make me dry?"

Please can you orange for me to get one of those ap-peel-ing hampers, juice because my jokes were so apple-ing!

One must always orange and apple breakfast.

An apple asked an orange whether he looked better for being turned into an Innocent drink:
"Juicy any improvement?" he asked.

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.

* Knock, knock!

> Who's there?

* Banana

> "Banana" who?

* Knock, knock!

> Who's there?

* Banana

> "Banana" who?

* Knock, knock!

> Who's there?

* Orange

> "Orange" who?

* Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?
A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.

Q: What were the only creatures not to go into the Ark in pairs?
A: The Maggots, they went in an apple.

I rang the Apple helpline
It was rubbish all I got was two pips

Pip was wondering if his apple ipad and orange mobile counted towards his 5 a day

What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A pineapple.

To win this competition,
Three oranges might bring you glory,
Four apples might give you fame,
But you get nothing for a pear!

Miss Apple and Sir Orange, were both as pleased as punch.
Both had been selected as the best among their bunch.
To smoothy land they headed to meet their destiny.
Innocent had a job for them-now just what could that be?
Miss apple polished up her skin until it shone so bright.
Sir Orange topped his tan up with ultra violet light.
Both spruced up and ready - it was time to meet the press.
Apples pips were thumping - Orange was full of zest.
But no paparazzi waited there for the two top nominees.
The press didn’t want an interview - just a complete and utter squeeze!

I beg of you please give me the orange hamper or I fear I will go into orang-utan mode !

Two worms arrived at Noahs ark in an apple but Noah had none and turned them away - they were suppose to be in pears.

Q. howdya get rich growing apples?

A. increase your apple turnover

Is there a word that rhymes with orange? I cannot think of one!

What did the apple skin say to the apple?
Iv'e got you covered.

Why did the orange stop rolling down the road?
It ran out of juice.

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

I have gone for simplicity...
I have gone for Innocence ...
I have gone for the chuckle-o-meter ... :^)

I asked my 6 year old son for his favorite joke about an orange ...

This was his answer ........

What's orange .. and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

May we not have chortled in vain ... !

Q. There were 10 oranges sitting on a wall. 9 rolled off. What did the 1 that was left ask?

A. Jaffa?

(only works with an Aberdonian accent, when it sounds like 'did you all fall')

An orange and an apple were mashed to a pulp.
Don't look at me, mate - I'm Innocent.

Why is Granny Smith so content - Because she's apple-y married.

Where do apples buy their toys - Bramleys

Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

what did the hippy apple say to the hippy orange "this is somoothe music"

Q: Why did the Orange go out with a Prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a Date!


My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

What did the little chick say when its mother laid an orange?
Look at the orange marma laid

My daughter asked me for a drink - I'll orange that for you I said as soon as I get my orange phone to talk to my apple mac

how to make an orange weep give it a hard squeezeeeeeeeeee.

I'm tying to orange a meal for tonight thought of oranging apple crumble but don't want anyone to take the pip

Q: Why did the orange go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn't peeling well!

What did one apple say to another? "I'm just 'pipping out to the shops - toodlepip!"

I've got that loving 'peeling'!

Why was the chef in love with his Bramley? Because it was the apple of his pie.

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

Why did the chef fall in love with his Bramley? Because it was the apple of his pie.

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

Why did the apple get rushed to hospital?

Because he had a tart attack.

How do you make an Orange laugh? Tickle it's navel

@Rachel: I know you google that as I googled some too but only found that one and word for word, It's the same!

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple :P

The new Apple Macbook costs £1500 - that must be a joke!

An orange and an apple are on a plate

The apple looks at the orange and says "HI"

then the banana says: BUT APPLES DONT TALK!!!

I'm 'appley drinking a juice from the innocent-o-range


The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she is pregnant by her black boyfriend. She was discussing possible baby names the other day, apparently "Terry The Chocolate Orange" is not tolerated and is enough to get you fired.

It's not mine but it's great:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clips/p00ctlvg/the_one_ronnie_clips_blackberry_sketch/

We squeeze 11 oranges into every carafe, so we've got 11 overflowing breakfast hampers to give away (we're simple like that). In each hamper you'll find: homemade muffins, crunchy granola, fresh fruit, marmalade (made by our very own Kat E), tasty bread, napkins, limited edition innocent juice glasses, wonderful tea from teapigs.co.uk, along with a thirst-quenchingly large amount of juice. There's plenty to share.

We squeeze 11 oranges into every carafe, so we've got 11 overflowing breakfast hampers to give away (we're simple like that). In each hamper you'll find: homemade muffins, crunchy granola, fresh fruit, marmalade (made by our very own Kat E), tasty bread, napkins, limited edition innocent juice glasses, wonderful tea from teapigs.co.uk, along with a thirst-quenchingly large amount of juice. There's plenty to share.

To be in with a chance of winning, just tell us your best orange or apple

CO CO CO....A.M. THE RAIN IS FAILING. HERE WE ARE AT THE CROSSROADS ONCE AGIAN.... HA HA HA HA ......

Abstract:Young the inequality is an inporiant inequality

When it comes to votes, paper may be the wave of the future.

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