You may have heard, but we've just launched our brand new orange juice (and apple juice too). To celebrate, we've got 11 breakfast hampers to give away.
We squeeze 11 oranges into every carafe, so we've got 11 overflowing breakfast hampers to give away (we're simple like that). In each hamper you'll find: homemade muffins, crunchy granola, fresh fruit, marmalade (made by our very own Kat E), tasty bread, napkins, limited edition innocent juice glasses, wonderful tea from teapigs.co.uk, along with a thirst-quenchingly large amount of juice. There's plenty to share.
To be in with a chance of winning, just tell us your best orange or apple pun or joke. Our 11 favourites will each get a hamper delivered to their door. Here's a couple to help start the ball rolling:
- two oranges walk into a bar, one says "your round"
- you make me peel like a natural woman
- ooh-aah, juiced a little bit
To enter, click here
(entries only open for UK residents - sorry).
Competition closes at midnight Monday 14th February.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden!
Posted by: Mel | February 08, 2011 at 02:49 PM
She was the apple of his eye and he liked to sit down be cider
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate
Posted by: Sarah Hill | February 08, 2011 at 02:51 PM
1:Knock knock
2:Who's there?
1:Apple
2:Apple who?
1:Apple your hair if you don't let me in!
Posted by: Theo | February 08, 2011 at 02:54 PM
I would post a corking pun but I'm sure everyone will pip me to it ;)
Posted by: Dunc R | February 08, 2011 at 02:56 PM
Hello all, please make sure you click through to the link at the end of the post to fill in your details.
Thanks, Oli
Posted by: Oli | February 08, 2011 at 02:57 PM
I didn't click through when i posted but i have done it seperately now, is that ok?
Posted by: Sarah Hill | February 08, 2011 at 03:01 PM
No need to get crabby Oli ;)
Trust my rotten luck to leaf it on the wrong page. (Blame this apple mac).
I've bobbed my details on the correct form now :)
Posted by: Dunc R | February 08, 2011 at 03:07 PM
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.
Posted by: Lebeeuk | February 08, 2011 at 03:08 PM
did it wrong as well - now posted correctly!
Posted by: Lebeeuk | February 08, 2011 at 03:11 PM
clearly the best Orange joke ever told, is the one about the man with a giant orange for a head. It goes a little like this:
A man in a bar stood talking to the barman, they notice another gent walk in with a giant orange for a head, he strides up to the bar confidently and slams a massive wad of cash onto the bar before being followed in by a group of the most beautiful women they had ever seen.
He says with an air of triumph, "All the drinks are on the house!" before turning to the women as they come over and shower him with praise and compliments.
Quite astonished the two men pause before cheering...many drinks later, the two men turn to the other man, and say, "So, what happened, how did all this happen to you?"
"Well," the man replies "I came across this lamp, and so, you know, i rubbed it, and a genie popped out and granted me three wishes, so I wished for all the money in the world," and he slams down another wad of cash for more drinks. "All these beautiful women to follow me around" and he turns to them and they show him with praise. He pauses and the two men ask, "so what was the third wish?"
"Well," he replies "to have a giant orange for a head."
Posted by: richard | February 08, 2011 at 03:12 PM
It's not very clear whether the entry has been received or not. It just goes straight to a page about orange juice; is that right?
Posted by: Andy | February 08, 2011 at 03:15 PM
Orange you glad to see me?
Posted by: Ross | February 08, 2011 at 03:17 PM
An Apple a day keeps their share price high.
The futures bright.
The futures orange & apple smoothies.
Posted by: kevin bird | February 08, 2011 at 03:19 PM
give me the hamper or i'll organize a drive by fruiting!
nicky x
Posted by: nicky thomas-davies | February 08, 2011 at 03:34 PM
If I win one of these hampers I'll live h-apple-y ever after!
Posted by: Natalie Robinson | February 08, 2011 at 03:34 PM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad it's not an apple!
Posted by: Andrew Duncomb | February 08, 2011 at 04:07 PM
Why did the orange marry the apple?
Because they both found each other a-peeling
Posted by: Andrew | February 08, 2011 at 04:11 PM
Hello,
Please make sure you submit your jokes via this link:
http://is.gd/9MNpCq
You can include as many jokes or puns as you like per application.
The competition closes at midnight, Monday 14th February.
Your jokes won't appear as a comment on this blogpost, but if you wish to add them as a comment as well, please feel free to.
Thanks,
Oli
Posted by: Oli | February 08, 2011 at 04:15 PM
Squeeze me please....you make me feel all juicey
Posted by: Abby Bookham | February 09, 2011 at 11:37 AM
Why did the Orange go out with a Prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Posted by: Arabella B | February 09, 2011 at 12:01 PM
As the Cox sat down with the Golden Delicious he thought --- I'm just an INNOCENT smoothie but I'd love to be in cider !!
Posted by: Alan | February 09, 2011 at 12:48 PM
Q. Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
A. It said concentrate.
Posted by: Ben Audsley | February 09, 2011 at 03:15 PM
an apple a day keepse the doctor away
Posted by: iain maciver | February 09, 2011 at 08:40 PM
What did the little chick say when its mother laid an orange?
"Look at the orange marmalade!!"
Posted by: Gillian Evans | February 09, 2011 at 08:43 PM
Q Why did the orange stop running down the hill?
A Because it ran out of juice.
Posted by: Margaret Akel | February 10, 2011 at 09:58 AM
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Posted by: Hema Maisuria | February 10, 2011 at 11:13 AM
Q: What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
A: Look round!
Posted by: Hema Maisuria | February 10, 2011 at 11:14 AM
Q:What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A: A crab apple
Posted by: Carmen | February 10, 2011 at 11:14 AM
"Knock, Knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange who?" "Orange you going to try the new Innocent juice?"
Posted by: Javier | February 10, 2011 at 11:18 AM
How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down hill.
Posted by: Tina | February 10, 2011 at 11:27 AM
What did the farmer say to the green pumpkin?
Why orange you orange?
Posted by: Ali H | February 10, 2011 at 11:27 AM
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?
Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Posted by: Ali H | February 10, 2011 at 11:28 AM
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Posted by: HB | February 10, 2011 at 11:31 AM
Why did the Orange go out with a Prune?
Because he couldn't find a Date!
Posted by: Gemma Hartley | February 10, 2011 at 11:34 AM
Q) What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet?
A) A tooty fruity!
Posted by: Nicola | February 10, 2011 at 11:34 AM
What's Orange and Round? An Orange.
What's Orange and Hard? An Orange with a knife.
What's Orange and wears Checked Trousers? Rupert the Orange.
Posted by: James | February 10, 2011 at 11:40 AM
Q. Why did the Techno-Farmer replace his Apple with a Blackberry?
A. Because it had frozen on Orange.
Posted by: Hugh Lufton | February 10, 2011 at 12:18 PM
Q. Whats round and blue and wears a denim jacket?
A. An orange in disguise.
Posted by: Hugh | February 10, 2011 at 12:20 PM
Can I come up with any orange and apple related jokes or puns? Of cores I can, I am the zest at doing puns! In fact I’ll be really pithed off if I don’t win… though some of the other jokes here are very appealing, so I bet I get pipped to the post.
(5 puns in total I think!)
Posted by: Kirsten | February 10, 2011 at 12:42 PM
whats orange and is good at spotting a real deal.
david dickinson
Posted by: robin atter | February 10, 2011 at 01:16 PM
a blonde enters a restaurant with a carton of orange juice. She puts the orange juice on the table and stares at it.
The store is about to close down and the blonde is still staring at the orange juice. A waiter comes and asks the blonde, "Excuse me, we are about to close for the evening, I'm afraid your going to have to leave."
"No" They blonde replies.
"Why not?" questions the waiter.
"The carton says "concentrate"
Posted by: chris b | February 10, 2011 at 01:29 PM
Plenty here to keep you entertained:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAG39jKi0lI
Posted by: Kirsty | February 10, 2011 at 01:49 PM
"Why didn't the little boy want an apple phone on orange?
cause he already had a blackberry?"
Posted by: John Vickers | February 10, 2011 at 02:00 PM
Why was the supermodel staring at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentrate".
Posted by: Rose | February 10, 2011 at 02:01 PM
Q: Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?
A: Someone told him he should get an Apple Mac!
Posted by: Kylie | February 10, 2011 at 02:06 PM
What's Orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! Boom Boom!
Posted by: Rosy | February 10, 2011 at 02:10 PM
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? Because it ran out of juice!
Sorry - remembered this after adding the previous joke and couldn't help myself!
Posted by: Rosy | February 10, 2011 at 02:21 PM
What's the difference between an orange and an apple?
The colour of an orange is orange but the colour of an apple is not apple.
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:42 PM
Q: What did the apple say to the orange?
A: Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:44 PM
An agriculture student said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.”
“I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, “this is an orange tree”.
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:45 PM
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion a day should take care of everyone else.
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:49 PM
Dad, do you like baked apples?
Yes son, why?
The orchard's on fire.
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:51 PM
Q: If you had 5 oranges in one hand and 5 apples in the other hand what would you have?
A: Massive hands
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:54 PM
What's the difference between an apple and an orange?
- Both of them are apples apart from the orange
Posted by: Gill | February 10, 2011 at 02:58 PM
I'm appeeling to you to send me and my friends the amazing hamper or i'll cumquat over there and jazz you up with my pink lady's!
toodle pip xxx
Posted by: Emzoid | February 10, 2011 at 03:20 PM
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't said banana.
Posted by: AllisonC | February 10, 2011 at 03:26 PM
what can a whole orange do that half an orange can't?
Look round!
Posted by: Carole | February 10, 2011 at 03:41 PM
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Posted by: Carole | February 10, 2011 at 03:42 PM
Hi all, not really my joke, but I thought I should point you to the Annoying Orange stories on You Tube, especially the one with the apple:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN5PoW7_kdA
Posted by: Sophie | February 10, 2011 at 03:52 PM
Rotten luck! I've been pipped to the post!
I thought my jokes were appealing but so did the others. I just hope they don't think I'm stalking them. I'm sad to my core that I've missed the prize, but I won't crumble or leave pithy remarks. I've still got a zest for life!
Posted by: Carole | February 10, 2011 at 04:01 PM
To Oranges went to the local Fruit Juice singles club.
Only one got lucky.
As he was leaving, he said to his friend:
A-ppled!
Posted by: MarcL | February 10, 2011 at 05:00 PM
Two Apples in the queue for the bottling machine were chatting away.
Suddenly a group of Oranges started pushing them.
"Excuse me chaps, can we squeeze past you guys!"
Posted by: MarcL | February 10, 2011 at 05:02 PM
Q: What's orange, smooth, well shaken and concentrated?
A: Dale Winton in a maths test.
Posted by: Chris Brown | February 10, 2011 at 05:20 PM
Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?
He couldn’t concentrate!
(this still makes me laugh..)
Posted by: Rosie Fenton | February 10, 2011 at 07:03 PM
The best way to make an apple crumble is to torture it for 10 minutes.
Posted by: Holly | February 10, 2011 at 07:13 PM
If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all
Posted by: kushla | February 10, 2011 at 07:23 PM
Q: What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
A: Look round!
Hehehe!
PLEASE can I have yummy breakfast to share with my friends?
Posted by: Juicy Lucy | February 10, 2011 at 07:48 PM
Q. What are Apple's favourite computers?
A. Dell CORE Processors!!!
Posted by: Laura Pickett | February 10, 2011 at 07:48 PM
Why have oranges got such a dry sense of humour?
Because innocent have squeezed all the juice out if them
Posted by: Matthew willatts | February 10, 2011 at 08:06 PM
Q: What did the apple skin say to the apple?
A: I’ve got you covered
Q: What is sport does the Orange like to play?
A: Squash
Posted by: Thirzah | February 10, 2011 at 08:12 PM
How many jokes can you leave?
Posted by: Lewis H | February 10, 2011 at 08:31 PM
Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?
A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.
Posted by: Vikki Spence | February 10, 2011 at 08:56 PM
ORANGE JOKE: What did the little chick say when it's mother laid an orange?
Look at the orange marmalade!
APPLE JOKE: What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Enjoy :)
Posted by: Isobel Eagle-Wilsher | February 10, 2011 at 08:59 PM
Thought you'd appreciate a student-y (here read student-y as 'poor') joke from a student and a -the many things you can do with an orange joke- for people who like to do things with fruit (in your-rind-oh). Because a student will do anything for free food.
The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"
Posted by: Melissa Newall | February 10, 2011 at 09:32 PM
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I d still have 4 apples.”
Posted by: Cheryl | February 10, 2011 at 09:53 PM
Q: Why did the orange stop rolling?
A: Because it ran out of juice!!
Posted by: Jade C | February 10, 2011 at 10:40 PM
Once upon a time Handsome Prince Braeburn met beautiful Pippinderella. They fell in love and lived appley ever after.....
Posted by: John Robb | February 10, 2011 at 11:12 PM
What did the chick say when it mother laid and orange?
Look at the orange marmalade!
Posted by: Katie | February 10, 2011 at 11:13 PM
What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing cos apples don't talk.
Why did the Orange go out with a Prune?
Because he couldn't find a Date!
Posted by: Hiral Bhayani | February 10, 2011 at 11:18 PM
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do? It can look round.
Posted by: J Peak | February 10, 2011 at 11:21 PM
Why did the guy from Innocent have to leave his previous job at the juicing factory?
Because he didn't concentrate.
(boom boom!)
Posted by: angel | February 10, 2011 at 11:33 PM
apple says to an orange, "hey you wanna join me in an innocent juice?"
"sure, lets get naked, jump in a bottle and you can pulp me!"
"sorry," said the apple " this drink is called innocent, not dirty little orange slimeball!!"
ha ha ha
I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING ORIGINAL INSTEAD OF GOOGLING APPLE / ORANGE JOKES LIKE EVERYONE ELSE LOL!!
Posted by: ant johnson | February 10, 2011 at 11:37 PM
If an orange is the last piece of fruit to get into the carton does that mean it juiced made it?
If an apple doesn't get picked by innocent for one of its smoothies will it get the pip?
Posted by: angel | February 10, 2011 at 11:38 PM
Could you call the writing on an innocent smoothie carton pulp fiction?
Posted by: angel | February 10, 2011 at 11:39 PM
When you peel an orange and get juice in your eye might that be called the orange's attempt at a pithy comment?
Posted by: angel | February 10, 2011 at 11:42 PM
Just realised I should have put all my original puns (not googled I should add unlike many on here) in one single post so here goes (sorry for the repeat!). I may think up some more soon but here are all of them so far - hope you like! :o)
If an orange is the last piece of fruit to get into the carton does that mean it juiced made it?
If an apple doesn't get picked by innocent for one of its smoothies will it get the pip?
Could you call the writing on an innocent smoothie carton pulp fiction?
When you peel an orange and get juice in your eye might that be called the orange's attempt at a pithy comment?
Posted by: angel | February 10, 2011 at 11:45 PM
We need the hampers!
Granny normally makes the breakfast but she's on holiday in Seville!
Much love,
Danny Smith!
Posted by: Danny | February 11, 2011 at 02:50 AM
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do? It can look round
Posted by: HELEN B | February 11, 2011 at 06:53 AM
How do you make orange squash?
Put an elephant in the fruit bowl
Posted by: Laura Hearn | February 11, 2011 at 07:11 AM
Why did the hard of hearing orange keep spining around and around?
As he'd rather be dizzy than squash!
Posted by: Andrew Cakebread | February 11, 2011 at 08:30 AM
Here's a bit of a naughty joke, hope there aren't any kids reading this...
A man goes to the doctor, "Doctor, my penis is orange. What can I do about it?"
Doctor scratches his head and says, "I've never seen anything like it. Take these pills and come back in a week and see if there are any changes".
The guy comes back in a week, his penis is still orange.
Doctor says, "Let's see if we can figure out what is causing this. Tell me about your life-style".
Guy says, "I'm single, live alone, just a normal type."
Doctor: "How do you spend your evenings?"
"I like to watch porn videos and eat Cheetos. Why?"
Posted by: Rachel | February 11, 2011 at 09:29 AM
Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None – because they were all redskins!
Posted by: Rachel | February 11, 2011 at 09:30 AM
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don’t eat.
Posted by: Rachel | February 11, 2011 at 09:32 AM
What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A pineapple.
Posted by: Rachel | February 11, 2011 at 09:33 AM
Why did the Orange go out with a Prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Posted by: viagra generic | February 11, 2011 at 10:20 AM
A little orange (let's call him Tangerine) said to his sister (Satsuma): Why does daddy look so happy?
Satsuma: He got Marmalade
Posted by: Sarah | February 11, 2011 at 10:50 AM
An apple a day keeps the doctor away - just throw it hard enough.
Posted by: Tom | February 11, 2011 at 11:02 AM
Name a famous diaryist - Samuel Pips
Posted by: Indy Kaur | February 11, 2011 at 11:10 AM
What is an orange's favourite gangster movie?
Pulp Fiction starring Satsuma Thurman, Seville L. Jackson projuiced by Quentin Clementino.
Posted by: Pameh | February 11, 2011 at 11:16 AM
What is an orange's favourite song?
Best zing that ever happened to me by Gladys Knight and the Pips.
Posted by: Tarlok | February 11, 2011 at 11:23 AM