Ladies and gentlemen, please meet the Goldfork Toads, innocent's very own all-conquering five-a-side team.
They won the cup (pictured in Ed's hands, above) and the story goes like this:
"Last night innocent’s own Goldfork Toads footy team won the league. A freak set of results, involving fete helpers Sister Sledge actually winning a game, conspired to hand the mighty Toads the cup after they themselves smashed their opposition 8-2.
The dramatic finale was a fitting close to a season where the Toads had scored a total of 75 goals and finished with the highest goal difference in all of Chiswick. There were highs and lows, lefts and rights but despite Ops Matkinson’s fabled touch in front of goal, Oli utilising his kick boxing skills, Andrew W top scoring while the keeper, Giles C getting sent off in nearly every game, Jim (aka Tony Yeboah) going on holiday for most of the season and Ed G returning 1 goal in 10 games the toads fell out on top.
The trophy was presented by Greg, the guy who collects the money at the end of the match. The winning keeper Andrew W said ‘I can’t remember the last time a saw a trophy that big, pet’. Greg followed with ‘never before have a side been so happy to win the Chiswick 5-a-side league division 3 title. It’s concerning’. "
Now that, I'm sure you'll all agree, is what sport is all about.