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June 17, 2008

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I can't be bothered to move the couch to vacuum underneath!

Half my life's rubbish is hidden under my bed.


(Shhh. Don't tell my mum!)

I found my toddler eating some coco pops she'd found next to the radiator, and we don't even buy coco pops, so it must have been from the last tenant.

my mum realized how little we clean when she found a colony of spiders above the bed in the spare room

I never ever iron. My housemate knew I'd moved the ironing board the other day because (he said) it was completely the wrong way up in the cupboard...

My cat often brings me mice to say thankyou for her life of luxury but if I'm not around she sometimes leaves them in one of my shoes which I store under my bed - this means I might not find them for a while, like not until my freshly painted toenail hits a fossilised rodent as I rush off to a party must must tidy all shoes into boxes soon.

I love having a dog. Any food or drink spillages on floors, carpets, hard surfaces and fabrics are mopped up immediately, and pretty neatly too. It also means you don't have to rinse plates off before putting them in the dishwasher.

I never do as much baking as I think I will, so every time I realise I have date-expired bicarb in the kitchen cupboards, I tip it down the loo and leave it for a while. We get pretty bad limescale in London, and it really helps.

We have a really retro, slightly vile, landlord-enforced orange carpet, which pretty effectively hides anything that may be dropped on it! It's a serious saver on vacuuming time...

When I grill some bangers, I put the oily pan back in the oven to clean later. And I always forget. Then months later I find a pan that is possively alive with green mouldy stuff and the grill oven smells horrible. Best of all, I then let my husband wash it! (mwahahhaa)

easy.
shove everything under a blanket and suddenly my room becomes decievingly tidy..

When we moved house (which was in the month of November) the removal man moved a chest in the dining room and found a mince pie stuck to the skirting board. We couldn't remember eating them the previous Christmas... :D

I use my dirty socks to do the dusting before they go in the machine. It makes sense doesn't it..?!

I live in a top floor flat and sometimes when I sweep the floor I empty the dustpan out of the window - especially if the local chav kids are outside making loads of noise. I consider it ten points per direct hit with floor mank.

Don't clean behind your ears, then collect the goo that appears and you can make eco friendly fly paper or plaster your walls!

Silly (entertaining) comments aside, may I present an actual tip: How to remove oil stains from clothing... Before throwing the ruined garment in the bin, apply a drop of Olbas Oil on the stain(s). Then wash with rest of laundry. Voila! It's like magic.

I always used to be first into the office. I'd eat my breakfast at the marketing guys desk, ensuring that no crumbs soiled my own work station. To hide the crime, I'd brush any mess into the crack between his desk and the sales guys desk using the only available textile. Which, being a cyclist, tended to be the used undies I'd just changed out of. Waste of time really, i'd make just as much mess again at lunch on my own desk.

I use my dog's ears as a cloth for wiping slobber from my trousers and sometimes to dry my hands if there are no towels near. He's also useful for sliding around the floor (when he's sleeping) as a massive duster... he does create most of the mess, so I think it's very kind of him to help tidy it up ;) Good ol' Count Merlot the English Setter!

After removing my eye make-up I use the back of the cotton wool pad to clean my stainless steel pedal bin. The slightly oily lotion leaves the metal clean and streak free.

We have a pair of trainers in our hallway that no-one wears because a spider has made it's home inside. We're not scared of spiders, we just don't want to kick him/her out of their home! (& the webbing looks quite pretty when you peek inside!!)

I've always thrown hair from my hairbrush (and when I'm feeling brave, from the plug hole) out the window as my grandad always used to say the birds used it in their nests. No idea if that's true but I hope so.

My boyfriend doesn't have great dress sense, so I accidentally on purpose ruin some really bad clothes every now and again. He can't wear them anymore, I get loads of new dusters and the world is a shinier, happier place (cue evil laugh)

My cat has a really fluffy tail. I use it to dust between books and pots etc. on shelves. Window blinds and fretwork is dusted too. She doesn't seem to mind and just enjoys the cuddle.

I'm not very dirty (most of the time) but i cleaned out my sisters room and found a glass of apple juice by her bed with a colony of mould on it. yum

I clean for my mum.. and i'd love to surprise her with this SMALL prize!!

When i clean the taps, i use baby oil and dried out baby wipes.. IT WORKS A TREAT!!

or.. if we havent got any of that in the house, i use just water and then dry it off with a tea towel.. this also workes as well..

its so quick.. easy.. and eco!

To get sticky yuck from stickers off anything use baby oil or nail varnish remover pads. If that doesn't work use white spirit as a final attack on the goo, no more sticky windows or school folders!

OH! i've got another one..

it came back to me when i was reading other comments! :D

We've got an aga.. and if anyone else has got one.. then you'll probably know what happens when you leave sausages or something in the hot oven for a very long time.

If this happens.. peel off the charcoal, bin it, clean the tray or whatever it is with washing up liquid.. and shove it back in the aga.

This burns off everything else and leaves it nice and sparkly.


Also.. if you've been washing up and you've got no room.. just put baking trays and things in the aga to dry off.. no harm done and no flys get to poo on it then!

I let the kids play with a scrubby sponge in the bath. Cleans the kids and the bath at the same time!

I stuff all my clothes into my wardrobe and then when my brother comes in he gets caught in the avalaunche (evil laugh ).
also my dog cleans up everything that falls on the floor even if its his own puke !!!!

tumble dryer fluff goes into the compost. vinegar cleans mirrors & windows - smells a bit though!!

I was always under the impression that girls were cleaner than boys. Recently it took me 2 days to clean the kitchen in my girlfriends Uni house... a good half a day of that was on the oven!!

We're moving into our own place soon and that means i'll have to clean up at home and clean the flat before we move in :(

I'm sure when i was young and lived with Mum we had cleaning fairies.....

I left out an uneaten bowl of cereal once in my downstairs lounge where I never really go, and 4 weeks later I was looking for my notebook and I heard a noise coming from the other side of the room. I curiously rummaged under books and loose paper and I found the bowl. Something was moving in it, then all of a sudden a small man as big as your middle finger, hopped out dressed in a kilt and with a bald head and ginger goatee, exclaiming in a loud jamaican accent "yoooo filty filty boy, look what yooo've creatid, what wud ya mudda say?" I felt very embarrassed. He then said he'd do a clean of the whole house once every week if I paid him in petit filous, so since then he's been doing just that.

Tom from METHOD, if I win this said goody bag, I will send you and innocent a picture of this strange man and even organise a visit for you and your family to my household where I will make you a very tasty vegetable lasagne and we'll sip on 5 types of innocent smoothie. Thanks for reading this far if you did. Amen.

who else scrubs the grouting in the shower, whilst naked? only with eco products obviously

burnt pan, put some bicarbonate of soda and water in it and bring to boil, slowly but surely and quite smellily, burnt stuff will come away

"Black socks - they never get dirty,
The longer you wear them the stronger they get,
Sometimes I think I should wash them,
But something keeps telling me:
"Don't wash them yet- not yet- not yet!"

I have clippers to shave my own hair,
I sit on the patio and plug them in and let all the hair fall on the garden, it is a good slugs and snails deterrant as they can't slide over it, it sticks to them! saves on harmful slug pellets that kill birds etc

My husband smokes and never cleaned his teeth enough to keep the stains away so when he had denturs I couldn't wait to get my hands on them! I put them in a jug with a bit of Ariel washpowder and add boiling water, after a good soak I brush them with an old tooth brush (I keep loads in the cleaning cupboard for odd little cleaning jobs) it works a treat.

I also have a fantastic squeegy to do my windows it is a windowscreen wiper off a train, better than anything I could buy and I have been using it for over 25yrs! (my brother was an apprentice at British Rail) I wash them first with hot water and soapy squeezy stuff and any stubborn bits get a rub with orange cleaner. the windscreen wiper finishes the job perfectly and the glass never needs a polish

I never use polish and a duster. I have a soft brush that fits on the hoover and I just suck up all the dusk, saves on polish, looks after the wood better, stops me sneezing and getting asthma and you don't see dust particles flying around when the sun streams in, everyone is happy including the furniture

I save all the shredded paper out of the shredder and use it to pack things that I send thru the post. It weighs nothing really and packs in really tight. Another good one I always throw the potatoe peelings in the compost bin, a few months later leaves start to sprout and after a while I harvest the potatoes that have grown!!

When doing a spring clean last Christmas I found a poppadom under the sofa. how do you misplace a whole poppadom?

I have a cleaning lady - works a treat for me!

I just use a damp e cloth - magic for any surface and you don't need expensive/different products, then it can be washed in the washing machine and reused.
Regards,
Sue

I'm allergic to something in cleaning fluids, so if something needs cleaning, I'll start it, then start sneezing, and soon someone will take pity on me and finish the job.

For as long as I can remember, my mum has always swept the kitchen dirt to under the fridge as she can't be bothered to put it into a dustpan - who knows what nasties lurk under there!

I use my cat to hoover under the sofa. She comes out covered in dust and fluff, chomping on a spider or two. It's why we called her Dyson!

We used to live in a house with a bog out the back and the cats were forever bringing in frogs to play with during spring/summer. Most of the time we would catch and release them but during breeding season it became necessary to turn the sofa upside down each week to peel off the mummified escapees that had crawled under there and died when we were out. When we moved out we found oh so many more places they had gone to hide...

At uni our carpet was one of those swirly-patterned 70s-esque hideous floral patterned things. It may not have looked particularly pretty, but it soaked up and removed all traces of partying, debauchery and aborted cleaning attempts with remarkable success.

After realising during our first month of tenancy that hoovering it made not the slightest bit of difference to the overall look or smell, we gave up and let it do its thing. We think this had something to do with sending the unwanted dirt, grime and spilt alcholic drinks into another dimension, since it wasn't immediately obvious where else the liquid debris of our student life had gone. No doubt we had previously unknown biological specimens evolving in the corners of our sitting room (not to mention the spectacularly disgusting stairs), but we were only there for a year, so we didn't really care!

At least we got out alive!

I use my old pants or odd/holey socks to dust with. I also throw hair from my hairbrush out the window. In University Halls I used to go for a shower in my underwear and then hang it up to try afterwards. We also burn orange peels on the fire-it makes the house smell nice! Licking your plate clean usually works well too (as long as you remember which plate was yours)

cleaning products are bad for the environment so I dont clean! It saves my energy too. Thats what I tell every one anyway!

Absolutely everything can be clean away with spit. Don’t tell my flat mates.

Chester "The Dog" Dog is my multi-function cleaning secret.

He has a "pre-wash" setting for when I want to load the dishwasher.

His floor cleaning attachment is really useful when one has children eating in the house and this can also easily be adapted for front of oven/cupboard spills.

His rear attachment has an automatic dusting facility, although this is not height adjustable so only operates on coffee table height surfaces.

He has several non-cleaning functions too, my favourites being the immovable-body-warmer function for sofa use (saves on heating) and the tactile stress-reduction setting which is set permanently to "on".

One last thing which I thought I would mention is a useful set of gadgets he carries at the end of each leg which can be used for extracting stones from horses hooves.

There, have I rattled on enough to get the goodies?

my pet mouse got trapped in my printer about a year ago. i've never got around to getting him out. or getting a new printer.

Whenever my room is slightly messy, my Dad says "Ooh Beth, look how tidy your brother's room is!"

So sometimes, when I'm not in the mood for tidying (Who is ?) I go into my brother's room and chuck a couple of things on the floor, screw up his bed etc. so my room is the tidier example.

Problem Solved with no tidying involved!

Back in my first year of university I lived in a uni owned flat with 6 other guys, and once a term there'd be a big cleaning inspection. Out of the 7 of us, maybe 3 had any idea what cleaning actually involved, but we all drew straws to see who got what. One day I got home with one of my clued up flatmates and found that the toilet was looking suspiciously clean. "Owen" we said, "have you actually cleaned the toilet". "Yep" he replied. Impressed but healthily suspicious we asked, "What with? Bleach? Toilet brush?". "Oh no boys" he said cheerfully, "I just used some Fairy liquid".

Flushing was a nightmare for days afterwards. I think it still coughs up a bubble occasionally.

I work in a shop and have to mop the floor when we close. The owners always neglect to by floor cleaning stuff, but a drop of oven cleaner in the water is amazing, it totally reduces the amount of time and effort I have to spend on it! Also, there is only the need for one cleaning product (reduces packaging/lorries etc...) so it's a little bit green too!

One of the innocent vans pulled up outside yeaterday too. In a small, rural, Irish village, it turned quite a few heads!! I was quite smug that I knew what was going on though...

my dad always shouts at me for making a mess in the room if im eating, so i cup all the crumbs in my hand then sprinkle them on the floor evenly so he cant say theres a mess where ive been sitting.

LOL at many of above. But seriously: I use lemons (the bit left over after squeezing out the juice) to clean the taps anything metal in the kitchen, it really works against limescale and fat! Plus it re-uses what you'd throw away anyway (unless you like eating lemon peel). Any plain vinegar works well too.

Put a small glass bowl of ammonia in your oven, close the door over night, and the next day the goop inside just comes off easily. Don't breathe the fumes, tho!

I don't (generally) interfere with the mess in my children's rooms, but when I found fly maggots in the rubbish on my 16-year old son's floor ... something had to give!

Ever tried using your husband's toothbrush when you've run out of sponges?

I swear - he'd never know the difference!

;)Love you honey!

Hello there

Thanks to everyone who confessed their dirty little secrets.

Tom and everyone at method have read through all the comments and since there were so many excellent entries, they've decided to award 3 prizes.

So, in true awards style, the winners are:

Best funny filthy story

My boyfriend doesn't have great dress sense, so I accidentally on purpose ruin some really bad clothes every now and again. He can't wear them anymore, I get loads of new dusters and the world is a shinier, happier place (cue evil laugh)


Posted by: Pamela

Best cleaning tips

I use my old pants or odd/holey socks to dust with. I also throw hair from my hairbrush out the window. In University Halls I used to go for a shower in my underwear and then hang it up to try afterwards. We also burn orange peels on the fire-it makes the house smell nice! Licking your plate clean usually works well too (as long as you remember which plate was yours)

Posted by: Jilly

Best four-legged cleaning friend

Chester "The Dog" Dog is my multi-function cleaning secret.

He has a "pre-wash" setting for when I want to load the dishwasher.

His floor cleaning attachment is really useful when one has children eating in the house and this can also easily be adapted for front of oven/cupboard spills.

His rear attachment has an automatic dusting facility, although this is not height adjustable so only operates on coffee table height surfaces.

He has several non-cleaning functions too, my favourites being the immovable-body-warmer function for sofa use (saves on heating) and the tactile stress-reduction setting which is set permanently to "on".

One last thing which I thought I would mention is a useful set of gadgets he carries at the end of each leg which can be used for extracting stones from horses hooves.

Posted by: Kathy

Congratualtions to Pamela, Jilly and Kathy. Big bags of cleaning goodies will be winging their way to you very soon.

Ceri

When things get too messy in our house I remove my contact lenses and all is fine once more :)

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