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January 06, 2012

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1. Limit the amount of ridiculously high shoes that cost an absolute fortune that i never wear because 1, i fall over when i attempt to wear them and 2, i'm too scared to wear them for fear of ruining them.
2. Don't think too much.
3. Limit the amount of time i spend watching star wars to a maximum of 5 times for each film. (yes it would be my mastermind topic.)

This is really the great way you discuss this kind of topic. Good job.

1. I will think of a password other than "password"

2. I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

3.I will not congratulate any women on their pregnancy, unless I am absolutely sure she is indeed with child and didn't just gain some weight

1) Stop getting out of bed before 10am (shhh, don't tell my boss)

2)Eat out more, purely so I don't have to do the washing up

3)Use chopsticks for all meals, including pizza

1. Be more funnier to win competitions
2.suggest improvements to Innocent smoothies
3.Dont be over enthuastic when singing the praises of Innocent smoothies
these are all ridiculus new years resolutions because 1- i couldnt get any funier ,2-Innocent smoothies are obviously perfect the way they are.3-i cant sing you guys praises enough .

1. Win an innocent competition!

2. Find more sites like www.SkypeLaughterChain.com.

3. Live long and prosper.

1. Eat nothing but fruit and veg once a week. In any month with a Z in it.

2. Stop telling my kids lies about carrots making them see in the dark or spinach giving them muscles like Popeye and agree to share my innocent smoothies and veg pots with them instead.

3. Stop keeping empty innocent juice bottles as vases/leftover soup containers/reuseable bottles and let the recycling bin have them instead.

1) Stop biting my nails and spend the time saved picking my nose instead.
2) Make fewer 'to do' lists and focus on actually doing the things on the list, rather than just ticking them off for the sheer delight of making little tick marks.
3) Finally learn to pronounce odd or counter-intuitive British names correctly, such as Evelyn Waugh or Belvoir Castle.

1. To learn an obscure language such as Ainu (Aboriginal language spoken in northern Japan but almost extinct)
2. To become a full member of the cloud appreciation society
3. To stop buying things just becase they are shiny (magpie syndrome!)

1) Spend less time procrastinating, in particular stop googling everything i'm eating and drinking whilst revising.

2) Work out why innocent smoothies are so nice

3) Stop sucking up to multi-million pound drinks companies in the hope of winning free things.

1. To watch all the top 100 movies ever made (currently 7/100)
2. Learn to speak a new language
3. Start doing more road trips and try and find the worlds best cup of coffee (I'm thinking it's got to be in Italy somewhere)

I'm old so if I could afford it I would have someone come in and do the housework and change the dreaded duvet. I would also stop moaning about the modern pop groups who stick the microphone up there nose and I can't understand what they are singing about, can't even read their lips. Bring back Frank Sinatra.

1. Stop expecting Patrick Stewart to come and take me on a tour of his spaceship.
2. Grow eight inches so I'm the correct weight for my height.
3. Write the seminal novel of the 21st century, about snails.

1. Finish ALL emails with 'Love you! Byyyyeeeeeeee! xxx'
2. Buy a HUGE block of dry ice over the internet and then hold a Masked-Ball-come-Star-Wars-Party in my tiny flat.
3. Win more innocent competitions. ;)

1)I will not diet (how good does butter taste?)
2)I will not go to the gym (c'mon, how can the gym compete with cuddling up on the sofa with a hot water bottle, bottle of Innocent banana and Strawberry Smoothie and a bar of Dairy Milk?)
3)I will not wear make-up (the time? the cost? Au naturel is free (if a little wrinkly))

Go vegetarian for a month, right after I finish a bacon roll and several pigs in blankets.

1) Paint my nails each week, 52 different colours for each week of the year
2) Try a new fruit or vegetable every month that I had previously been scared of
3) Overcome either my phobia of spiders or baked beans (no, really!)

Learn to tweet. My top ten FB posts last year were mini episodes, surely I can keep a status update to 140 characters, it can’t be that har

eat a real ligonberry, what even are they Ikea?

Learn to do this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZRd5ulBna4

I Could NOT be happier about your new blended juices! They sound amazing & I can't wait to try them!

As for new years resolutions..

- Run at least once a week (Can be either recreational or to get away from angry dogs...)

- To make someone smile at least once a day.. :) whether that be a friend, a stranger, or myself :)
(This may require me to be funnier....)

- Learn to play 'My heart will go on' on the carrot clarinet.. no seriously.

1. Stop lobbing snails over garden fence, try to rekindle friendship with neighbours.
2. Buy nephews quieter/ less destructive/ less annoying presents and hope their parents don't hold a grudge.
3. Start buying own smoothies instead of drinking everyone else's. Accept that leaving it unattended isn't a valid excuse.

1) be nice to everyone
2) be nicer to everyone
3) be so nice to everyone it's frightening!

I suppose a fourth resolution would be to stop making really stupid resolutions?

Resolutions for 2012:

1. Refurbish underwear drawer.

2. Actually keep the basil plant on the kitchen windowsill alive.

3. a) Sort through unreasonably large pile of Potential Husband Applications and compile shortlist (deadline: June). b) Select candidate for Potential Husband and arrange wedding for 2013, thus fulfilling prophecy made by Madame Rosa at Hull Fair circa November 2011.

1. Accept that his approaching marriage means that he really isn't coming back.

2. Eat off a small plate so that I can eat less without thinking about food all the time and driving myself mad with hunger.

3. Do not save the washing up for more than three days.

1. Grow a spine

2. Jump off more cliffs

3. Make my 30th birthday a celebration and not a wake

Ah, the truth is, if I told you my top 3 resolutions they'd all be lies as I don't think I've ever made one in my entire 44 years. Alas, this also means I haven't a snowball's chance in hell of winning but thought I'd comment anyway. Love the juices - keep up the good work.

NY Resolution 1 - Spend less time trying to win free stuff and instead walk the dog.

NY Resolution 2 - Stop spending so much time online that i forget to feed the dog.

NY Resolution 3 - Stop offering the dog in exchange for cases of innocent smoothies/juice product!?

1) Be less lazy about foods that require both a knife and fork - goodbye pasta, hello steak

2) Stop sucking my thumb now that I am nigh on 26. And married.

3) Remember to put the toilet roll on the holder the right way around (Yes, apparently there is a right way round...??) so husband doesn't freak out.


1.Create the stop eating fruit party so there is loads more fruit for innocent to use.2.Stop eating fruit.3Keep bees so the trees are pollinated better creating more fruit for juice

1. win more competitions

2. drink more juice

3. become more popular

1. Defeat the Brussel Sprout! Mantra: I can eat and enjoy you even without butter *yuk*
2. Tell my 5 year old daughter that Father Christmas does not exist. That idol needs to be dethroned. Imagine him getting the credit for my overspending this Christmas. Pah!!
3. Rescue my abducted orange innocent socks from partners gym bag

Not to pick the scab in my tummy button, that is currently very appealing, after recently having had my gallbladder removed through my tummy button. Instead let is fall off of its own accord, which will also avoid any possibility of an embarrassing trip to the doctor/A&E relating to scab picking.

Resolutions for 2012:

1. Enter 500 competiitons for each month, well, January at least. So far, I'm on 114! 115 if I include this.

2. Get the ex-boyfriend to pay me back the £21,000 he owes me, ha ha ha do you think he will?!

3. Get the rich ex-husband with rich parents to pay me more than the paltry sum of £220 a month he expects his two children to be brought up on. And also, try and put an end to the ex-in-laws putting their dog on the phone to my childen. What!!! Really.

There may be a chance of me achieving number 1 on the list. There may have to be court cases to achieve numbers 2 and 3 . In which case I will need to be keeping my energy levels up, stay positive and eat and drink lots of fruit and vegetables!! Innocent help!

1. get a horse..bit ambitious

2. not drink more than a cartoon/caraffe of smoothie/juice a day

3. keep my room tidy..permanently

1. learn to swim - a bit scary

2 learn to ride a horse - scared of horses as they tend to kick at one end and bite with the other end (and they don't like me)

3 learn a foreign language - if I have time!!!

1. To wear more things in my hair (actual hair accessories - not just random things) to look more like a girl because I am one.
2. To create my blog including photos of professional spelling and grammatical mistakes. I know some probably already exist but its purely for my own entertainment as I'm moving to Manchester (EEk) and won't have a Tv for the first month I'm there.
3. Learn to love my laptop and accept it as 'different'due to it being over 5 years old and having 80+ lines running down the screen. It's not because it's about to break or anything, its because it's different and unique *touch wood*.

Oh and obviously I'll be planning to consume more fruit and veg to be healthy, but that isn't really a daft resolution, it's sensible :)

In 2012 I will I will ... I will will will .....

1 ... Not buy so many packs of Sausages that the freezer looks like a Sausagarium!

2 ... Halt the naughty Whippet BEFORE she rolls in the horsey/foxey poop (thus avoiding the swearathon/rubber glove/cold hose pipe/howling hound conurbation of misery

3 ... Learn to be's more calm/tolerant/smiley faced in the face of adversities big and smalls (this must includes all the morons too) ... My mantra must be .. "What would the Dalai Lama do?" .. Not "What would Chuck Norris do?"

Happiest News Years ... :^)

1. The one I made while moderately inebriated: Seduce the bartender who does the pub quiz (we need him playing for our team).
2. The one I made to my cousin (she's 9): I will learn how to do cartwheels and breed unicorns (I promised her I'd try with the unicorn thing anyway)
3. The one I made to my parent's cat: I will make you love me (I love him very much, but he's apathetic towards most of humanity)

So that's my 2012 anyway!

My New Years Resolutions:

1) Stop reciting the scripts of Doctor Who every time it comes on TV
2) Stop stalking anyone who has ever been IN Doctor Who
3) Get out more and stop obsessing about Doctor Who!

1 - KISS MY DOG 3 TIMES EVERY NIGHT SO SHE KNOWS I LOVE HER.

2 - THINK MYSELF SLIMMER, BY THINKING IM GOING TO BE SLIMMER .

3 - OCD I KNOW BUT I DO SOME THINGS 3 TIMES FOR LUCK, 1 TO MAKE SURE, 2 TO MAKE SURE OF THAT AND 3 TO MAKE SURE OF 1 AND 2.

1. Help the world by cutting dowm my annual intake of oxygen and nitrogen by one third.

2. Save electricity by removing all house light bulbs and eating 1 kg of raw carrots each day to improve my sight.

3. Persuade city bankers to take years' supplies of Innocent Smoothies as part of their 2012 bonus.

1) Build a time machine,
2) Become 5 years old again,
3) Ride a big dog like a pony.

Now wasn't that yummy?

1) Promise to get out of bed at least 1 day a week
2) Promise to eat slowly to reduce my wind
3) Only tell lies when it is absolutely essential

1) stop feeding my chickens with chicken sandwiches, they're all cannibals whoops...
2)spend a tiny bit less time on imgur.com - but seriously, check it out, their images are amazing - you guys would love them!
3)stop writing childish things on peoples work at school :(

1) Stop pointing my pencil at people and shouting 'Expelliarmus!' - It hasn't worked these past 10 years, it isn't going to work now.

2) Hold fire on attempting to reach 88mph in a Morris Minor.

3) Accept that eating every 'Red Pill' I find isn't going to get me any further in life than the toilet.

1– Stop imagining mince pies are chasing me whilst swimming.

2– Become a better unicorn.

3– Start chasing the mince pies whilst swimming instead.

1) Stop spending cash on juices and just keep on wining competitions like this one.

2) Stop reusing tea bags.

3) Stop telling kids that when an ice cream van plays a melody it actually ran out of ice cream.

1.give up chocolate 100% 2.stop picking my nose when driving. 3.spend less time on the internet.

1. Stop trying to stop stopping !!

2. Give up giving up chocolate for New Year

3. Stop reminiscing how good things were when I was a child every child has memories specific to them

1. Stop being so sarcastic... (Yeah, like that's SO going to happen.)

2. Stop yelling at every man, woman and carrot everytime a grammatical error is committed.

3. Stop trying to ruin everyone else's New Year's Resolutions.

1. Try being me for sometime each day instead of wife, mother, gran, co-worker, team-mate, driver, cook or anything else the world seems to choose or expect.
2.loose some weight so I stop looking like a not so innocent orange in my favourite dress
3 reprogram my brain as its definately not funny.


1. Stop blaming the dog when I fart
2. Stop farting when I’m feeling guilty
3. Stop getting caught in vicious circles

1. Never again to be called a 'couch potato' by my 'helpful' Wii Fit!

2- Turn the heating up, put a bikini on and drink Innocent Tropical in the bath ...it's got to be cheaper than a posh holiday

3 - Discover amazing tasting fat free chocolate and share the recipe with chocaholics everywhere :-)

1) Stop telling my children that it's OK not to talk sometimes and if they talk too much they'll use up all their words and the words will run out, meaning they'll have no words left when they're a grown up.

2) When one of my children complains that their sibling got more than them, I promise to stop replying with "well, that's because he/she is my favourite - remember?"

3) Find an alternative method of non-violent punishment to making my children count grains of rice/lentils, and realise that instilling a hatred of rice/lentils is probably not the best way of promoting a healthy diet. :-/

4) (one more for luck) Stop being a wicked witch of the west/child-catcher and aspire to be a friendly and nice role model, allowing my children to enjoy a loving and nurturing, warm and happy childhood - go figure!!

will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

Stop exercising. Waste of time


Spend more less time at work.

I am oh so excited.
My resolution is to learn how to wee in a public toilet when people can hear.
I get performance anxiety.
Hopefully I can overcome it in 2012...

I ve resolved to stop spending my money..... And spend Hubby s instead

1, Drink More Juice
2, Eat more Fruit
3, Win more competitions.

Can you help?

as my diet was an epic fail last year this year i decided 2 eat more and do less its going well so far

1) Work harder on my witty comments.
2) Be less sarcastic.
3) Stop being such a smart arse.

1) Really work on developing my snail racing nights
2)Give up trying to touch my nose with my tongue
3) Accept that at **cough** 32 I am ACTUALLY a grown up and stop behaving less maturely than my children
4)Dress up as a banana

1. To try and experiment more in cooking to actually discover some healthy food which I actually like (fussy vegetarian who doesn't like veg)
2. To spend less time searching for random things (but amusing) on google and instead actually do my work before the night before it's due in.
3. Either get used to walking in high heels or stilts as I'm wayyy too short!!!

1 To take the kitchen waste to the compost bin everyday, the walk and the fresh air will do me good.
2 To give up trying to wear matching socks, it takes too long in the morning to find black socks that match in the pitch dark
3 To take the cat for a healthy walk around the field everyday, the cat does not need the exercise but I do.

Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.

1. I will try to gain more weight so I won't be blown away with all these high gales up here in Bonny Scotland
2. Aim to not live my life on New York Time even though I never been to the Big Apple i.e go to be bed at a reasonable time and get up before noon.
3. Make sure I get my 5 a day. Should be easy if I win the crate!
4. Learn Sign Language. Surely if English is now the universal language then sign would be the same (give or take cultural differences)
5. Stop making lists.

My owly New Years Resolution: To stop making new years resolutions I will not follow...find out next year if I follow this...

I am going to try to not snap at my inlaws, but they are mighty annoying! ie: When they stay over and ask me why I have not made the beds and give me toasty bags for Xmas while my wife gets a cheque for £300!

1) find a colour brighter than highlight orange for hair
2) procrastinate more(that is a students job!)
3) Actually finish Zombie proofing the house

I resolve to stop counting green coloured sweets and fruit flavoured lip gloss as one of my five a day. I also resolve to learn the proper food groups; the five main food groups are NOT cheese, bread, ice cream, chocolate and sweets.

1) Post on more LOLCatz pics to make people laugh

2) Pick myself up off the floor long enough to post on said pics after I've fallen off my chair laughing at them myself

3) Buy less perfume. I've got loads and only one body to wear it on. I could quite easily smell like [iven department store]'s perfume counter if I so desired!

1. Learn the Latin name for every fruit in the world
2. Own every game ever released every games console
3. Never wash my clothes ever again - just spray them all with fabric freshener

1. To try and liberate the remote control from my boyfriends hand so it's a 50/50 split, rather than the current 80/20!
2. To clear out the clothes I was hanging on to for years in case they came back in fashion, when will looking like the lovechild of Alexis Carrington & Bananarama every be acceptable?
3. To learn to eat lentils without gagging! Healthy eating starts with a delicious smoothie.

1. I will not make any new years
resolutions. Wait... oh crud.
2. Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials
3. I will actually look for things rather than just move a cushion or 2 and say "its not here!"

1- Will not drink wine!!
2- Be nice!
3- No take-aways!
4- Will not shave under my arms???

1] To give up stupidity - not managed very well so far
3] To learn to count

1. Stop using terms like "Stop Press" for blogs

2. Remember 2011's resolutions.

3. Redeem this years free christmas gift of a free bottle of innocent juice.

1- Stop bleaching the toilet while people are still sitting on it
2- Stop tormenting my boyfriend by using strawberries fabric softner just so I can say " Awwww, you smell pretty!"
3- Dress my 6 year old niece on 80's clothes and have her turn up at work claiming to be me from the past.

1) Stop looking at innocent smoothie bottoms and getting weird looks from my friends.

2) Learn each recipe off by heart for each innocent smoothies.

3) Stop procrastinating and playing damn casual games which eat away my time.

1. Stop wasting my life posting fb updates such as "I JUST MADE A SANDWICH"

2. Stop wasting my life reading fb updates such as "I JUST ATE A SANDWICH

3. Take up tweeting instead of fb.

1. Stop walking into people in the street.
2. Stop getting angry at slow moving people on the tube.
3. Start outsourcing my 5 a day to juices and smoothies to get them in the system quicker.

1. To stop thinking watching Q.I is studying

1. Win more competitions
2. Exercise more
3. Drink less wine

About me, I've never won anything in my life. I don't know what running, lifting weights, or gym are. I <3 wine - especially if it's red.

1. Stop picking up red rubber bands in the street
2. Offer my seat on the tube to anyone wearing purple
3. Sleep in sunglasses in Jan and Feb to make the mornings better

1. Stop chasing my imaginary dog during commuter hours.

2. Wear more clothes when in Parliament.

3. Start a banana gun war in the office.

1. Stop quoting Charlie Sheen - "WINNING!!".
2. Actually concentrate on what Professor Brian Cox is saying in his science progarmmes, instead of thinking about licking his face.
3. Eat more fruit and veg. Waffles, hash browns and chips don't count.

1. Get on the telly holding a "hi mum" sign
2. Conquer my fear of puffy crisps
3. Visit every theme park in the country

1. eat more fruit (apple pie, pineapple upside down cake) and veg (carrot cake?)

2. use the words 'honey badger' in as many situations as possible

3. introduce planking as a fitness tool to the office

1, Draw faces on all my oranges,satsumas and bananas it makes the kitchen a happier place!
2, Make Tuesdays more interesting. Weekends shouldn't get all the fun.
3, Become officially the best bridesmaid ever by winning loads of Innocent Fruit Blend for my friend's farmyard wedding :)

1. Can the 50-a-day coke habit, sorry diet coke habit and drink more Innocent smoothies. 2. Get my Gran to explain to me how Facebook and Twitter works. 3. Have more faith in my SatNav and less in Match.Com

1. Attack all Zombies within a 5 mile radius using only a fish finger and a cucumber.

2. Be the first person to sucessfully launch a Christmas tree into space using a rocket powered by spouts.

3. Train a team of Hampsters to replace the England football squad and then win Euro 2012.

1) This year I will make an almighty effort not sit in my living room all day in my pjs. Instead, I will move myself and my laptop to the bedroom.

2) This year I promise to spend time working with neglected children -- my own.

3) This year I vow to quit smoking…. and take up drinking instead.

1)Get over my fear of bellybuttons (omphalophobia)...true story! Especially now as a medical student haha.
2)To remove all rubbish from my ipod, get all album artworks updated and everything to have an artist, album and track name correct.
3)To pass my exams this week,and the rest this year. Good start by entering competitions ;)

1: Do less laundry and use more deodorant.

2: However, I will always wear clean underwear just in case.

3: I will stop saying ”ooh, that feels nice” whenever I get frisked at airports.

1. Let my boyfriend have the last word sometimes, occasionally. OK Once!
2. Re-do Union Jack toe nails as have been there so long only half a flag remains.
3. Not let boyfriend comment on half flag nails ever again!

1. To collect my boyfriends bellybutton fluff and turn it into a live monkey before next Christmas.

2. To train the monkey to cook Christmas dinner. (I am still prepared to wash up and the monkey is welcome to join us for lunch)

3. To ensure that my boyfriend wears particularly fluffy clothes in order to facilitate 1 and 2.

1.Whenever I eat wash it down with an Innocent smoothie(cancels out the bad calories)
2. Stop dreaming of being rich and spend my money NOW(can't take it with you)
3.Get 20 minutes sun every day(vitamin D makes you feel happy)


1. Do something new everyday (This is a ridiculous one because remembering everything I did was too hard!)

2. Stop watching more YouTube than telelvision.

3. Stop drawing WEIRD doodles whenever I'm on the phone. < I honestly was on the phone to my friend recently and I drew a wasp wearing a tuxedo, just out of no where!

1. Get a job

- ridiculous in this climate.

Please make my year and let me win, please!

1. Achieve childhood aspiration of "What I want to be when I grow up" - A Fire Engine.

2. Eat just one Pringle in one hour.

3. Acquire entirely black/white duo-chromatic wardrobe of clothes; successfully conceal self amongst Zebras.

1. To stop thinking watching Q.I is studying
2. To stop thinking fanta counts as one of my five a day
3. To realise that I can't sing and I shouldn't go to karaoke bars (Something to remember when I am a little intoxicated)

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